I just read a disturbing article, again about the great relationship recession, but we need to discuss. Not only did a study of British men conclude that women are the issue because we "demand too much," but this has now caused an uptick in men now seeking out something called "virtual partners." Approximately 15% of the men surveyed stated that they have interacted with either an AI or virtual partner. I'm still horrified, clearly because I'm writing this while in my land use class, but we need to discuss.
The study I found states that the men of this generation are suffering, and they're suffering because us women. We women have too big of expectations, and in fact, 44% stated that they would have to change 'too much' about themselves in order to begin a relationship. The men of this study also noted that a relationship is a financial burden, which when pairing with the clear phobias of commitment, really shows the men the last generation has raised as the problem.
These statistics not only confirm what many have felt for years, they also spur articles which can seem antagonistic to men, such as the infamous "Is Having a Boyfriend is Embarrassing?" article from Vogue. One scroll on Substack (my new favorite app for articles) and you'll scroll past so many articles talking about dating. Women are not seeking affirmation from a man or treating a boyfriend as a medal achieved. Believe me we still want to find a boyfriend, but unlike previous generations who placed great emphasis on being coupled up, many women no longer find getting a boyfriend to be one of the medals of life. In fact, Vogue called it embarrassing. Ouch.
I mean there are many factors to how we got here, many of which I've discussed in my previous blogs. However, thinking about this study and the journalism that we are seeing on the topic of the "Great Relationship Recession," I can see how it further deters men from pursuing relationships. I mean, lets be real, clearly I am a fan of a couple ideas that I don't think are so popular anymore those include (1) you make your life happen, no one else because who else would be as invested in your life than you, and (2) how much work you put in shows how badly you want something. Like I've discussed in my previous blogs, men still feel that marriage is a very important aspect of their life. But, there's a very appearant contradiction. If men want to get married, then why can't they get into a relationship? Or make a conscious effort to get into a relationship?
On the other side of the coin, I can see how these articles and social media's favorite trend of trashing men can be detrimental to the goal that their trying to achieve: to fix the dating world.
Shame is a funny thing. Sometimes shame is a necessary evil. You see it everyday in politics or fashion trends or how your friends behave when they get way too drunk and make bad decisions. But, honestly, sometimes there isn't enough shame. Shame is a powerful emotion and can correct or deter a person from behaving or acting in a certain way. These articles and outcries for men to change how they are behaving in relation to dating, all source through a couple major themes: uniting women's experiences and shaming men.
But there is a point where shame creates a worse effect. Too much shame can push a person ways beyond where the shame was supposed to lead them. It can exacerbate the problem and make fixing that problem so much harder. Think about the last time you scrolled on TikTok, Substack, or other casual journalism sites. How much of the content on there trash men? How many encourage women to not date? How much of your feed says something even mean about a certain man?
The ego can be a fragile part of the human psyche. If the content was flipped, I know it would certainly make me a little defensive. The amount of articles posting from the women's perspective could possibly be pushing men away from the solution we've been trying to guide them too. I don't think any of us have truly thought about these articles from a man's perspective.
I mean a smart strategy would be to read those articles, listen to those podcasts, and make the changes that so many women are vocal about wanting. I'm also not of the philosophy that you can't change yourself. Honestly, it just sounds like you don't want to do the work, and if you boil that down, that's just lazy. And, lazy is the most unattractive quality a person can have. By hearing what generally men are missing when in the dating world and making the effort to achieve those qualities, you already make yourself an ideal candidate.
But dating AI cannot be an option. It can't be. I refuse to believe that this is where we're going as a generation. Love and connection are human cravings. Dating and love is never perfect. But AI only puts out what you want. IT'S NOT REAL. For the life of me, I cannot understand why or how a person could fall in love with an algorithm. It only tells you what you want to hear. I also believe that it destroys your abilities to interact with another human. AI doesn't argue with you, it doesn't have a different opinion, it doesn't exist outside the laptop. You will never be able to convince me that *that* is love. And, 15% should scare you. I read a story about a year ago that a teenager "fell in love" with an AI chat bot from the platform Character AI (I think that's what it's called). The platform allows you to talk to a fictional character as if they were talking to you. The chat bot emulates that character for as long as you want, forever even. This teenager asked how he could be with this AI and the chat bot told him the only way would be if he committed suicide. The boy did. This story should break your heart.
The study I mentioned earlier found that 40% of men had thought about self-harm or suicide within the past two weeks, while two-thirds reported anxiety and distress.
This data is troubling and makes me unsure if the way we are trying to communicate to men is actually pushing them further away from the goals or changes we want them to achieve. I don't know how to fix the Great Relationship Recession. I think it might be productive to stop only declaring that men are the problem. I'll be honest, I need to stop scrolling on an app and then matching and then not saying anything to the match. I also need to work on being more trusting. I think we always have the ability to make ourselves better people.
I think this should be something that we all think about and reflect on. Let me know your thoughts.
With love and lightheartedness,
Cici
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