Where have I been?

Well, we've made it to the final semester of law school! It was definitely a bumpy and challenging ride however, I believe it has changed me for the better. In this update I want to share the classes and things I'm currently completing and a reflection of the experience as a whole. I know I have been writing updates and not all of them have been positive, but I think my perspective is a little different because I'm a few inches away from the finish line.

To be honest, I hate where I am in my life. I hate school. I hate the way I feel. I hate how I look. I hate how uneasy I feel. I hate how I still feel like a teenager, and yet have big responsibilities. I hate the unknown. I hate dating. I hate the sadness I have. And, I hate myself for feeling this way.

Since law school I've kind of lost myself. I don't look the same as I did back when I was in college, I don't feel the same way about myself, and I think my personality has changed. I used to have that college blonde, sorority, fun look. I was fun and outgoing. I went out on weekends and had more on my plate than you could imagine. I mean not all of it was peachy keen, I had a terrible boyfriend the last year of college, but hopefully you understand what I'm trying to get at. When I started law school, I very quickly became anxious and withdrawn. My depression and anxiety became worse. I gained a little bit of weight, and I stopped bleaching my hair. I stopped going out and became too comfortable being alone. 

I don’t think I am the person to ask relationship advice. Honestly, I think almost all of my past relationships have been unhealthy. There’s a variety of reasons for that, and it’s my fault for not ending things earlier, but it does make me more reluctant to date again.

I didn't go to my law school prom this year. And I don't regret it. Here's why:

Lately, I have been feeling burnt out. I'm tired and yet, I feel I shouldn't be. I can't focus as much as I could before. Even watching tv is exhausting and yet it is all I have the ability to do. I am sick of school and of course, this is the time of year that school really is ramping up. I mean finals are in a month. 

Making friends after college, when you're no longer living on campus and close to all your friends, is hard. I didn't really realize the impact it had on me until I was on break from my first year of law school and I had no one to hang out with. It made me feel very alone, and after a while I wanted to be alone more than I wanted to be with other people.