Ride or Die Friends? Or Die Trying Friends

Recently I had to go through a friendship breakup. A much needed one. And I'll tell you why. I met this friend about 8-9 months ago through other friends. This girl became friends with my friends through weekly trivia. I first met her at one of my other friends house, we went to have wine and play cards against humanity. Of course we all drank and had some fun. This girl was very eccentric, fun, and seemed to have this earthy coolness. She seemed like maybe she was more drunk than the rest of us, which is okay we all get that way at some point in our lives. But she did delve a lot into her past traumas. Around 3am when it was past when everyone wore out their welcome. But when someone's crying to you, you can't cut them off and leave. 

Later I found out she was high on coke. 

But that was all kind of forgotten because she went traveling for over a month. I met her in January/February and then I saw her again in late April. I didn't begin to really start hanging out with this girl until after my finals in May. We all became a group, but I think I became the closest to this girl. Our work schedules kind of matched well and I didn't mind always driving to her, so I think that's why. 

Around 4th of July, she informed me and my other friend that she was a month clean from coke. We were very supportive of her and told her we didn't judge. We told her we were supportive of her journey and that we were proud of her. We both really felt for her and were proud of the progress she made. Although I've never had this experience or of a friend dealing with addiction, I can understand that it is a very difficult situation to overcome. 

Then a few weeks later, I got a text at 4am that just said "hey". I woke up in a slight panic because when I would get those texts previously in my life would be the sign that someone needed me and there no telling what happens if I don't reply right away. So when I woke up at 6am I was nervous. When I responded I got a phone call from her which she told me she had done coke again the night prior. Honestly, I felt strange, I was really unsure why she felt she needed to tell me. Not that I was upset to be there for her, but it felt like she felt the need to be accountable to me. Which puts me in a weird position. I don't mind being there but I'm not qualified to be the person you are accountable to, also I don't know you super well. I'm not qualified to give advice on this matter and I felt uncomfortable giving advice or saying its okay, because is it? I don't know, is that terrible advice? This was also not a one time phone call, I got that text and phone call many many times. But sometimes those late night, early morning texts came and when I checked in, it was about a batshit crazy situation. She would ask if I would work from home with her and I would and she would talk about her problems. Problems like not liking her boyfriend, their intimate life, crazy stories about her family, and past friendships that went to hell. All while being 7am and her having an alcoholic beverage. 

Then my grandpa's health started declining very fast. And since I would spend so much time with this person, I thought I could come to her and vent about it. Well I was wrong. This girl talks quite a bit and maybe sort of demands the attention of every room. So when I would go to talk about my grandpa being put on hospice, she would counter and say her grandpa is old too.... My grandpa wasn't old, he was 71 when he passed, and she's not close with her grandpa. So it irked me and I feel justified in saying that. She even told me that when my grandpa inevitably passes, she believes her grandpa is going to pass within the same month....are we serious??  Who says that?? Also, in case you're wondering, he didn't. When my grandpa did pass, she texted me often checking in on me. But it came with strings attached, hearing her boyfriend dilemma of the day. A day after he passed, she texted me to check in, after I responded, she texted back and said "My mom has asked homeless people in Texas for drugs to k*ll herself instantly :("I'll let you take a moment to gasp and think about how bonkers that is. I couldn't do it and never responded. Turns out she texted me after she found out about her mom. She shouldn't have texted me then or relied on someone else. 

The came Sol gate. Sol is a pool club. Theres a bar and the bartender, she knew. We went and I paid for our admission and then two rounds of drinks. I say this because it was about $100 and she has never ever paid me back. For anything. The bartender then didn't charge for any of our drinks after. She became very very drunk and then started trying to break up with her boyfriend after telling me she wanted to hookup with the bartender. Which was very awkward. She kept telling the boyfriend very harsh and nasty things. At one point she left the bar to argue with the boyfriend and I said to the bartender "it seems like they're really done" and he said "Please don't take offense, but you said earlier that you've only known her for a couple months...this happens often, they're not broken up", which I thought was rude at the time. Little did I know that he was right. Later, they invited us to stay after the pool club closed for the night. Well when this came about, she took off her top, jumped in the pool, and made out with the manager, then was mad that the bartender would not make out with her, and I had to drag her out while she called them all losers. I drove her car and her back to her house where she then decided to walk to the bar that the boyfriend was at. No shoes on, coverup all dishelved, and screaming at me all while running out to the street, yanking on random car doors asking for a ride. One person let her in and out of fear of what would happen to her and being the only responsible person I jumped in too to make sure she wouldn't be kidnapped or raped. Lesson here: do not do what I did, I have learned my lesson, but no friendship should ever put you in that situation. Anyways, we got to the bar safely and she went in without paying the cover and pretended that everything was normal with the boyfriend. It was weird. Then the boys wanted to leave, and she chased him out of the bar screaming that she loved drugs and trailing chicken fingers out of the bar like Jack Sparrow. The boys left, she chased drunkenly while I babysat her. She was screaming obscenities at me and horrible horrible things. I eventually got ahold of the boyfriend, and he took us back to her house. Then she started screaming at him and eventually broke a window of her house. Really it's her father's house but anyways I had to run half a mile to grab my car and take all of us (because she wouldn't get in the car without him, and I was worried that someone was going to call in a domestic) back to my apartment. He left from there after we pulled into my complex and said "why are we at this trashy motel?" Lovely right? She made me drive her to the boyfriends two hours later after she spent those 2 hours texting and calling to let him know he should go die. 

The boyfriend at a later time told me that me and him will have to met because "as much as he would like to tell me this has never happened before it has and it will happen again. So we should develop a plan for next time." If your boyfriend gives a warning like that to your friends.....that should say a problem. I also have never gotten a real apology or a thank you for that day. 

Then at one of my other friend's birthday, she took the reins, created new plans, and then did a crazy amount of coke. When the night was over at 3am, she wanted to invite people over to my friends apartment, when my friend said no, she asked to invite over her coke dealer. to which my friend said no too. This girl then left for 2 hours then at 6am came back to my friend's apartment banging like the FBI. My friend let her in and she asked her to open a bottle of wine and ask if her boyfriend asked where she went that she was at the apartment the whole night. Fishy especially when she has a history of cheating on him. 

Then she made up stories about other people licking coke up off of bathroom floors and whatever else. It turns out she forgot the crucial detail that all those events were her behavior and not someone else's. The coke in general is also very concerning and personally, I don't want to be associated with that. And I don't feel bad for that. Especially when she's telling the boyfriend that she's still clean.

A week after I had my grandpa's funeral, she messaged me, again drunk, that she had lost her baby. Now you're thinking oh she must have been pregnant. Nope. She means the local field cat. Right. So, to stick it to her I mailed the most dramatic in sympathy card. Whatever. The message was crazy, and I just didn't feel like dealing with her. But again, insensitive. It's the local field cat...not even your own cat. Also why are you hounding me, I didn't even view your Instagram story where you announced this, so how was I supposed to know? 

When I started separating myself from this individual, she called me out. And I told her exactly what happened and why I'm distancing myself. She said that I was a ride or die friend and she expected more. What more could I do?? I have been an incredible friend to this girl but I finally realized that she's been a terrible friend to me. And I don't want to be associated with this individual. I had zero fears with being honest with her. The response I got was a bunch of therapy vocabulary and a "I've been through a lot so this is acceptable." She treated me like a crazy ex-girlfriend that I never dated.

Basically, ride or die does not mean that I have to be near death to be a good friend to you. And the zero apology for putting me in dangerous situations is crazy. Also, she doesn't know anything about me, so how is that a real friendship. I feel that this term or type of friendship is a bold coverup for a toxic friendship. 

Never will I endure a friendship like this, and I can safely say that I will run the next time I hear this term. And I recommend that you run to. You do not need to prove you're a good friend by putting yourself in dangerous situations. And it's okay to not want to be surrounded by people like this. Don't put yourself in scary situations to be friends with someone. 

With love,

Cici