Re-Inventing Myself

Published on 18 July 2025 at 13:25

Since law school I've kind of lost myself. I don't look the same as I did back when I was in college, I don't feel the same way about myself, and I think my personality has changed. I used to have that college blonde, sorority, fun look. I was fun and outgoing. I went out on weekends and had more on my plate than you could imagine. I mean not all of it was peachy keen, I had a terrible boyfriend the last year of college, but hopefully you understand what I'm trying to get at. When I started law school, I very quickly became anxious and withdrawn. My depression and anxiety became worse. I gained a little bit of weight, and I stopped bleaching my hair. I stopped going out and became too comfortable being alone. 

After the treacherous first year of school, I really wanted to zero in on my grades and stress/anxiety management for my second year. It's hard to prioritize your health and fill up your cup when you're in a program as rigorous as law school. But finishing my second year, I am really happy to say that I did super well with my grades and I feel a lot more comfortable. 

Now that it is summer, I can prioritize myself a bit. I work from 7am-4pm most days and on Fridays I work 7-11. It's been really nice having the time after work to do things for me other than making sure I go to bed at a good hour. It's super easy to go through the routine and not pay attention to your health or your confidence. Now that I had free time, I looked at myself and I realized that I didn't feel good about myself.  

I started working out. I usually do an incline walk for twenty minutes and then do a standing ab workout for forty-ish minutes. Something about the gym floor or laying on the floor irks me, so I will only do the standing ab workouts. Some workout influencers call it "deep core workouts" blah blah, I just do it because that floor has never been washed and neither have those yoga mats. Anyways, and then I try and get 10,000 steps in. So sometimes, I'll go for a walk around my town or through my university. Or when I'm feeling lazy, I just do an incline walk and watch a Netflix documentary. I eat better too. More whole foods and prioritizing protein and vedgies. And of course, more water. It helps that I finally found my emotional support water bottle. Yes, I'm one of those insufferable people. However, I love my hot pink hydroflask with silly stickers and I legit do not care what anyone thinks about it. You will have to bury me with it. Longest relationship of my life, me and my water bottle, 10 years. 

I've also been spending a lot of time with my friends. The fourth of July weekend, I spent four days boating. The weekend after we went boating again. My friend also taught me how to drive the boat too, so call me skipper. I absolutely loved it. A couple times, I hung out with my friends for 'porch hours' which vaguely translates to "sitting on my friend's balcony and having a drink. We've also been doing trivia nights, which have been eye opening. My team has lost almost every time lol. 

I also have spent a lot of time outside, which is always good for the soul. It also means that I am the tannest I have ever been and my hair (with the help of sun-in) has lightened. A tan always helps the confidence, but my hair being lighter also makes me really happy. 

Past that, I've been spending time with my family. My mom recently got shoulder surgery, so I took care of her for a couple days. And, my brother finally took his MCAT so I am really looking forward to him meeting my friends. I think I'm going to bring him to a trivia night. His big brain should get us some points. 

This also sounds cheesy, but I don't feel like I really know myself, and I want to have the identifiable thing that makes me, me. Like that thing, that when people see it or experience something, they think of me. I just want to be memorable. I think it stems from how I've felt about myself the past couple years, I think I've been and felt forgettable. So, I went on Pinterest and tried to find some identity. I want to be seen as studious and that type A it girl. I'm still working on it, but I started reading for fun again. I started Catch-22 and it's been nice taking a break from screens. I want to read all of the classics, so if you have a suggestion for my next read, comment below. 

All in all, I've been feeling a lot better about myself. It's not perfect, but I don't feel the need to hide anymore. I feel more comfortable and confident. I'm still a working progress though. I'm really happy with what I've achieved so far this summer. Which is not something I could remotely say last summer. 

With love and lightheartedness,

Cici

Add comment

Comments

There are no comments yet.